In this tract, I want to answer crucial questions related to marriage, divorce, and remarriage. While I believe the answers to be biblically sound and absolutely vital, I also recognize that I am not infallible. So let us seriously study this matter together and determine to follow God’s way. Then all of us who are married, or will be married, will be together, holding hands and hearts in love, till death causes us to part.

1. What is marriage? Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary defines it as, "The institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding a family." That is not a bad definition.

Brother Roy Lanier gave an even better one. He wrote, "From a general knowledge of the Scriptures we may say that marriage is an institution from God to man for the birth, preservation, and comfort of children and the perpetuation of the human race; for the cultivation of moral purity and refinement which are so necessary in a society where Christianity flourishes; and a union which God forms intended to last until death parts them.

2. Where and when did marriage originate? Marriage began in the first perfect state of man "in the beginning." Let’s turn to Genesis 2:21-25 where we find, "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead there; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

Our Lord Jesus referred to this very event in Matthew 19:4-6, where He said to the Pharisees, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." It was in Eden that God made the woman for the man and brought her to him. The institution of marriage, and the laws which govern it, predate both the old and new covenants.

3. Who is authorized by God to be married? First of all, the natural order of God’s arrangement is for a man and a woman to be joined together in marriage, not man to man or woman to woman. I find it incredible that this point must be made, but we have been hearing so much lately about same-sex marriage. No matter what society might say, God calls that kind of activity unnatural and sinful. Romans 1:26-27 says, "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another: men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet."

So when there is a man and a woman desiring to be joined together in marriage, and neither of them has been married before, they are authorized to do so. One who is scripturally divorced would also be authorized to marry an equally authorized individual of the opposite sex.

4. Is the sexual act between the two parties what constitutes or consummates the marriage? This is an important question and has far-reaching ramifications. I must say that as I have studied and thought about this over the years, my understanding has changed. It seems evident to me now that the sexual act is a privilege of marriage, it does not validate the marriage or "make" the marriage. Eve was referred to as Adam’s "wife" before any indication of cohabitation in that sense had occurred. Actually, she was referred to as his "wife" when she was brought to him.

Let’s consider Matthew 1:18-25. There we find, "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph, her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name Jesus." Notice that verse 19 refers to Joseph as her "husband" before they came together. And verse 24 tells us that Joseph took Mary unto him as "his wife," yet they did not engage in such intimate activity until after "she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name Jesus." So the terms "husband" and "wife," were used by the Holy Spirit referring to individuals as married before the sexual act.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5, as well as Hebrews 13:4, teaches that the right to engage in such activity is limited by God to the marriage relationship.

5. What is the meaning then of the expression "one flesh?" The phrase "one flesh" is a figure of speech known as "synecdoche," which is "a part put forth for the whole." Here it stands for the whole person. In other words, the two persons become, as it were, one person. But how? In every aspect of life. One mind, one purpose, one intent. They have the same care, concerns, and privileges.

There is a wonderful passage in Ephesians 5:28-29 that expresses this "oneness" in a beautiful way. There Paul wrote, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church." The husband is to love his wife "as" he loves himself. The idea there is not that he should love his wife "like" he loves himself, or in a way similar to how he treats himself. The idea is not even that he should love her exactly as he does himself. The idea is that the husband is to love his wife as himself because she is himself, a part of his very being. This is not a love simply of duty, but it is a love of nature. She is a part of him. She is to receive the care he gives himself because she is a part of his very being. That is the import of "one flesh" and it encompasses so much more than the physical union—it is truly expressive of a beautiful truth.

6. Does God’s law concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage extend to those who are outside of the body of Christ? In other words, does it extend to those who are not Christians? That is a vitally important question and the answer to it is, yes. Marriage was instituted and the laws governing it put in place with the first man and woman. Remember again the statement of Jesus in Matthew 19:4-9 where He said, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

The law of Christ is universal, and everyone is amenable to it. That was one of the very points that Paul made as he stood on Mars Hill in Acts 17:30 and said, "And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men everywhere to repent." If everyone is not amenable to the law of Christ, then what law is it that declares a person a sinner? What law would they be under? Paul said in Romans 4:15, "Where no law is, there is no transgression." When Jesus said in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me," He was clearly making all men everywhere answerable to Him and amenable to His law.

7. Do Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32 teach that fornication is the only ground for divorce and remarriage, or do those passages simply designate fornication as one of several reason? The answer is that fornication is the only ground for divorce — the only one. The text of Matthew 5:32 plainly says, "saving for the cause of fornication" and the text of Matthew 19:9 says, "except it be for fornication." That is the exceptive clause, the force or meaning of which is "if and only if." Let me give you an illustration. If I were a high school teacher, and I said, "No one can take this course except seniors," two things would be understood. First, ONLY seniors would be eligible to take my class, and second, all non-seniors would be ineligible. Seniors are the only ones who may take my class. And so it is with what Jesus said, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

There are no other grounds given in scripture for the putting away of one’s spouse, much less marrying someone else. If Jesus had given us 100 grounds for divorce and remarriage, then we would have 100, but He gave only one, and that settles the matter. This truth is not hard to understand, but understanding it has never been the problem.

8. May the partner who has been put away for fornication marry again? In other words, can the guilty party remarry? That is a good question, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT! As far as I can tell from the Word of God, there are only three classes of people who have the right to form a marriage union and they are: (1) People who are marrying for the first time. Jesus made that pretty clear in Matthew 19:4-6, as He referred back to Adam and Eve and said, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"; (2) Those whose spouse has died are also free to marry. In Romans 7:1-3 Paul wrote, "Know ye not brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man"; (3) The third group are those who have put away their mates because of fornication on the part of the one put away. That is the meaning of Matthew 19:9, "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

The put-away fornicator, the one guilty of having committed adultery, does not fit into any of these classes to whom God has given the right to marry.

9. Why can’t the one guilty of fornication remarry, since they are no longer married to one another when the guilty one is put away? The answer is because nowhere does God teach that the one guilty of fornication, and put away by his or her mate because of that fornication, can remarry! Even though the two parties are no longer married to each other, the law of God must continue to be respected, even if it doesn’t make sense to our way of thinking. The law of God as stated by Jesus gives no authority for the remarriage of the put-away fornicator.

10. If the guilty party who has been put away cannot remarry and the innocent party can, would this not make God a respecter of persons? The answer to such a question is, of course not! We have already seen that the put-away fornicator has no right to remarry, and the Bible says that "God is not a respecter of persons" (Acts 10:34). The case is simply this — the one put away for fornication committed sin, and in doing so he or she must bear the penalty of and the consequences of that sin. One consequence is that their mate has the God-given right to divorce them and marry another, but the one put away has forfeited his or her right to do the same. Again, read closely the words of Matthew 19:9, "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

11. If the put-away fornicator cannot scripturally remarry, doesn’t it make what he or she has done the same as the "unpardonable sin?" No sin is unpardonable if the sinner will repent of it. Think of a passage like 1 John 1:7-9 where John wrote, "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." But some sins remain "unpardoned" because God’s conditions for forgiveness have not been met.

If a person truly repents of having committed adultery, he or she will be forgiven. But if their spouse has put them away for that sin, they must live a celibate life because that is what God’s word teaches. It is not difficult to understand, it is difficult to accept.

12. Does Matthew 19:9 teach that after one of the parties has been put away, they may not be joined to one another again? The answer to that question is, no. Again, if we look closely at what the verse says, we can see this. Jesus said, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery…" It appears to me that 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 would emphasize the same point. Paul wrote, "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." So under the right circumstances, a couple who was formerly married to one another, but divorced, can be reconciled.

13. On the basis of Matthew 19:9, could two parties who have committed fornication against one another put each other away and have the right to remarry other individuals? The answer to this question is an emphatic, NO! Neither party in such a sordid affair is innocent. To do so would be the height of inconsistency and hypocrisy!

14. Do preachers or elders, or anyone, have the right to tell unscripturally divorced and remarried couples that they should separate, or that they have no right to each other? In answer to that question, we would have to say that Ezra certainly had the authority to tell those who had no right to each other, according to what God had said, to separate. In Ezra 10:10-11 we read, "And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. Now therefore make confession unto the Lord God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives."

John the Baptist certainly had such authority in dealing with the case of Herod and Herodias. Look at what we find in Matthew 14:3-4, "For Herod had laid hold on John, and bound him, and put him in prison for Herodias’ sake, his brother Philip’s wife. For John said unto him, It is not lawful for thee to have her."

The Bible doctrine of repentance gives the preacher or elder, or anyone who is determined to stand upon the word of God, as much right to tell a man to give up an unscriptural wife, and a wife to give up an unscriptural husband, as it does to demand a car thief to return the stolen automobile, or the bank robber to return the stolen money. Just think of what John said in Matthew 3:8, "Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance." Consider Paul’s words to Agrippa in Acts 26:19-20 where he said, "Whereupon O King Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance." Repentance involves a change of life, a manifestation of the inward change—proof of the turning from wickedness to God.

15. Doesn’t baptism wash away all sins, including adultery? The answer to that question is, yes. When a person is baptized into Christ, all sin of which he or she repents is washed away. Ananias said to Paul in Acts 22:16, "And now, why tarriest thou? Arise and be baptized, and wash away thy sins, calling on the name of the Lord." But baptism does not wash away unscriptural husbands, wives, and marriages; these must be put away or there is no repentance. A person who is baptized, but keeps a spouse to which he has no right, remains an adulterer. Again, the point must be made that repentance demands a change.

16. Could a wife who discovers her husband to be a practicing homosexual divorce him and remarry on these grounds? My understanding of this would be, yes she could. In the phrase, "except for fornication," from Matthew 19:9, Jesus used the word "porneia," which is "illicit sexual intercourse in general." Included would be incest, bestiality, homosexuality, and lesbianism. Furthermore, the homosexual to whom the wife is married, or the lesbian to whom the husband is married, has violated the marriage bed with unnatural vices. Remember Romans 1:26-27, "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet." Also Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."

17. If fornication or adultery are grounds for divorce and remarriage, then according to Matthew 5:27-28 could a spouse be divorced because of "adultery in the heart?" The answer to that question is, no. That passage says, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

In this passage Jesus is not allowing a reason for divorce and remarriage. He is discussing the absolute necessity of guarding one’s heart, and He shows that it is from the heart that the act itself comes. When grounds for divorce and remarriage are discussed, as it is in verse 32 of this chapter and 19:9, it is the act itself that is considered, not the mere thought of the act. But I will mention some of the lessons learned from Matthew 5:27-28. A person should not act, dress, or talk as to cause one of the opposite or same sex to lust after his or her body. Also, we must all seek to guard our hearts and avoid lust by thinking about pure, honest, and just things.

18. Doesn’t Paul say in 1 Timothy 4:3 that it is a doctrine of devils to forbid people to marry, and if so, wouldn’t one be guilty of propagating such a doctrine if he forbade what God allows? The "forbidding to marry" of 1 Timothy 4:3 means that it is sinful to forbid lawful, legitimate, scriptural marriages. He is not discussing marriages which God forbids, the unscriptural unions of which we have been speaking. Paul was speaking of people forbidding marriages that are right and proper according to God’s standards.

The final question that I want to consider is one that has come up recently and generated quite of bit of controversy—

19. Can a person who has been put away for reasons other than fornication (and who did not want that divorce) mentally put that spouse away for fornication when and if that spouse remarries; thus freeing him or herself to remarry? As I said, this has generated quite a bit of controversy lately, some of it quite strident. As much as I would like to answer that question with a yes, I cannot do so. Try as I might, I cannot find anywhere in God’s word that would give the put-away person—and that is put away for any reason—the right to remarry. If you read Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9, both with and without the exception clause, the put-away person does not have the right to remarry.

God’s law concerning marriage is understandable. His law concerning divorce is equally understandable, as is His law concerning remarriage. But understanding God’s law in these areas has never been the real problem. The disciples of our Lord who heard Him speak on these very issues understood exactly what He was saying. In Matthew 19:9-10 we read, "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry." They understood that Jesus was teaching there is one, and only one, reason for putting away a spouse.