DIVORCE

I would like to talk to you about a very serious and practical subject that is dealt with extensively in the Word of God. In Genesis 2:18-24, we find:

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Thus, in a passage familiar to all bible students, we find the institution of marriage originated and ordained of God. As God viewed His magnificent creation, He saw one thing that He proclaimed as "not good." That was that man should be alone. Consequently, to remedy that situation, God created from man the woman. She was created to be a help "meet" for man, or suitable for man. She was created to be a compliment to man. She was created to make God's creation complete. God brought Eve to Adam to be his wife, and the statement was made, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Later the Lord Jesus would refer back to this event as the "beginning" of marriage.

It is important that we notice the term "one flesh." What does that mean? Here is how several scholars have defined it. In the Expository Greek Testament, we read that one flesh "indicates that sexual union constitutes a permanent bond between the parties. What has been done lives, morally, in both; neither is henceforth free of the other." C.G. Scorer said that one flesh 44 signifies that nothing can happen to one without the other being influenced, no matter what the impact happens to be. What they hear and see and touch they share. They are united in their joys and disappointments, their patience and their pain, or whatever the world brings to them." Albert Barnes says of "one flesh" that it "is to be regarded as one; is closely and intimately united."

So the idea of the man and woman becoming "one flesh" is a great deal more than just the physical union. While that is certainly part of it, it is a union of such greater significance than simply physical. It is a moral, emotional, and spiritual union. It involves the complimenting of each other to make the other whole. When marriage takes place, God is the One who joins that man and woman together.

I have performed many marriages over the years. In every marriage that I performed, I was absolutely convinced that the couple had a right to marry. In each one of those marriages, the man and woman stood before me and however many guests were present, and most importantly they stood before God, and promised-vowed-that they would remain married to each other through sickness and health, richer and poorer, whatever circumstances arose, until death caused them to part. These were the most solemn vows that they could possibly make. In each case, none of them had a shotgun to their heads; nobody was forcing them to make the covenant that they were making with each other and with God. Now, all these years later, I really hesitate to perform marriages because in so many that I have performed, it turned out that one or the other of the parties involved just didn't tell the truth. I say that because they did not keep their vows.

In Ecclesiastes 5:4-5, Solomon wrote, "When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. " In Numbers 30:1-2, we read, "And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the Lord hath commanded. If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth."

The Lord in the New Testament with slightly different language states the same idea. In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus said, "Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths: but I say unto you, Swear not at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne: nor by the earth, for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shall thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."

What was the Lord's point? That whatever comes out of the mouth of a person should be the truth and should not even have to be backed up with an oath. If you make a solemn promise, keep it! That is a basic, foundational, bedrock, and biblical principle-whatever a person promises before the Lord, they must keep!

Let us look at the book of Malachi and see this principle applied specifically to marriage. Judah had done many things wrong in God's eyes, and one of the things He strongly rebuked them for was their divorcing of their wives and remarrying, which they had no right to do. It was a twofold problem-they did not keep their vows to their wives and God, and they added an additional sin by marrying those they had no right to marry. Malachi 2:13-16 (and this is from the New American Standard Version) says:

"And this is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, for what reason? Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

If you took specifically at verse 14, they were guilty of breaking the covenant they had made with their wives and with God. They were putting away their wives when they had promised them and God that they would live with them until death caused them to part. He makes the point in verse 15 that no one with a remnant of the spirit of respect for the Word of God, and I believe of feeling for his mate, would do as they had done. The Lord emphasizes His point by emphatically stating, "I hate divorce, " or "I hate putting away. " This was their first sin--marrying another was the second.

In Matthew 19:1-9, the bible tells us: "and it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; and great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put, asunder. They say unto him, "y did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Other passages that could be looked at include Matthew 5:32 (which also mentions the exception), Mark 10:11-12, and Luke 16:18. However, I believe Matthew 19 pretty well includes all that Jesus said on the subject.

The first thing that I want to pay close attention to and to notice very clearly is in verse 6. Jesus said, "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " Does anyone have difficulty understanding that simple command? God joins the couple together in marriage and no one has the right to sever that relationship. If you do put asunder what God has joined together, that is sin. We are not talking about remarrying now, we are talking about putting asunder that which God has joined together, and we are specifically forbidden to do that! Secondly, we need to notice that marriage was for a man and a woman, together for life, not for a succession of any number of mates. Thirdly, there is one reason, and only one reason, for which divorce is permitted. That reason is fornication. God permits a man or a woman to put away his or her spouse for fornication and that is the only reason. The one guilty of fornication has no right to remarry, the obvious implication being that the one who was innocent does.

In the last year, I have heard on several occasions the idea expressed that people can divorce for reasons other than fornication, and as long as they don't remarry, that is okay. There is no scriptural basis for that idea. "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. That is clear. God "hates divorce. That is also clear. To divorce for reasons other than fornication is sin. To say, "I will go ahead and get a divorce, then repent of getting that divorce. God will forgive me and everything will be okay" is also a sin. It is the idea of manipulating God. Part of what is required for forgiveness of any sin is repentance, and that scenario has no repentance in it at all.

Some, believe it or not, have over the years advised a brother or sister who was determined to get a divorce for a reason other than fornication to go ahead and do it. Then, in the future, if their former spouse should marry someone else, they would be free to remarry themselves. It is a sin to so advise a brother or sister. That is telling them something that is just not true, that is telling them something that is not according to God's righteousness. If we look at Matthew 19:9 with the exception clause, the meaning is clear. If a person has been divorced for a reason other than fornication, they cannot remarry without sin. The passage, without the exception clause, says, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. "

Divorce is not an option where no fornication has been committed.

In the past I have known of some who thought they could manipulate their way around God's law of marriage and divorce by denying their spouse their God-given conjugal rights until that person became so frustrated that they went out and committed adultery. It is incredible that such conduct has been done and that such advice has been given. In I Corinthians 7:1-4, we find:

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband & and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."

This passage clearly demonstrates that the denying of those rights to one's marriage partner is sin! We cannot commit a sin, to cause another to commit a sin, whereby we might benefit from our sin! From where in the world does that kind of thinking come? I guess I answered that question in my question. That kind of thinking comes from "the world."

Others have advised, "Well, don't get a divorce, just separate and live apart." Some would even say go down to the courthouse and make it a "legal separation." Where is such found in God's Word? Again, I Corinthians 7:1-4 would show that such conduct is wrong, sinful, and ungodly.

Now it is possible for a couple to separate for a period of time, not indefinitely! I Corinthians 7:5 says, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. " A separation can occur, but it must be by mutual consent, for the purpose of both giving themselves to prayer and fasting, and they MUST come together again to avoid the temptation to commit adultery that Satan would place before them.

Oh, brethren and friends, when a marriage is falling apart, the goal is to fix it, not to destroy it. The marriage would undoubtedly not be in such a state in the first place if both of the individuals involved had walked with God as they should-and a marriage will never be fixed by leaving God out of the solution. We must not think like the world, act like the world, or talk like the world. Our families should be the happiest of all.