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THE NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEARCHER VOLUME 6, NUMBER 1, JANUARY 8, 2006 GRUMBLING, GRIPING, COMPLAINING, NAGGING AND FUSSING Every once in a while we need to set down and examine ourselves (2 Cor. 13:5) to see how we are doing in human relations. It is very easy to point our fingers at others and say that they are hard to get along with. But what about me? What kind of effort am I putting forth to get along with them? Do I behave in such a way that others enjoy neither my presence nor my conversation? Every child of God needs to take a long, hard look at him/her self in light of these questions. In very simple terms the Bible tells us how we ought to live. Jesus said, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets” (Matt. 7:12). Paul wrote, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32). “Do all things without murmuring and disputings” (Phil. 2:14). In spite of these passages, some of us are guilty of grumbling, griping, complaining, nagging and fussing. Though it may not be our intent to do so, we are guilty nonetheless. Let it be understood that I am not suggesting that there is never a place for some justified criticism. There is. However, we are guilty of unjust criticism too many times.
CHARACTERISTICS OF A GRIPER A few general observations can be made about a complainer. There will be some exceptions to these rules. Just because one doesn’t have one or more of these characteristics doesn’t mean that he is not a grumbler. 1. Can’t be pleased. At least he leaves this impression. No matter what happens, is done, or said, it’s just not the way he/she wanted it to be. Though others make an effort to try to please and satisfy, all such labor is in vain. It is either too hot or too cold, too sweet or too sour, too loud or too soft, too tight or too loose, too early or too late, too tall or too short, too much or too little, too dark or too light, too big or too small. A complainer will dislike the way something is said or done, so they suggest a different way. When that is done they are still not pleased. We need to learn to be content and satisfied. There are some things we just have to live with. Paul said, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content” (Phil. 4:11). Everything is not going to be just the way we want it. We are sometimes like the old farm lady who was known as a constant grumbler. Nothing pleased her. One day a visitor came and noticed her excellent apple crop and said, “You sure have a fine crop of apples.” The old lady replied, “Oh, I guess they’ll do, but where’s the rot’uns for the pigs?” “The
grumbler’s life is ever so sad, 2. Feels a need to criticize. The one who fusses just must make some comment on everything. Every dislike must be voiced. Invited or not, his complaint is heard. The grumbler doesn’t stop to ask if his comment would be better left unsaid. Rather it flows freely. 3. Is self-centered. The type of person under study expects others to listen and take heed to their complaints, but is greatly offended when someone complains about them. None are as perfect and righteous as they are. 4. Doesn’t see own faults. The “mote” hunter is so preoccupied with the faults of others that their own faults are overlooked. Much of what they complain about in others they will find in their own lives if they will just look. They expect of others what they don’t expect in themselves. That reminds me of the Pharisees who would bind but not do (Matt.23:4). The Jews pointed their fingers at the Gentiles while they were guilty of the same things (Rom. 2). 5. Complain to and about family members. Husbands for some reason find it easy to fuss at their wives. Wives nag at their husbands. Sometimes when in the presence of other women or on the telephone they reveal all the faults of their husbands. Children at times complain to their friends and classmates about their parents. Parents can easily provoke their children to wrath (Eph. 6:4) by griping at them and about them. I have seen parents criticize their children before friends in the presence of the children. Sometimes parents continue to treat their children like little kids even after they are grown and married. Strained relations are created when parents complain about every action, decision, move or purchase made by their children.
COMPLAINERS USUALLY DON’T REALIZE THEY’RE GUILTY By now most of our readers have thought of somebody who really needs this material. Why think about someone else? What about YOU? One of the characteristics of a complainer is that they don’t realize that they are guilty. The complainer doesn’t call it complaining, it is “just a comment.” To him it isn’t griping, it is merely “a suggestion.” He/she says, “I’m not fussing; I’m just offering a little advice.”
MAKES LIFE UNPLEASANT FOR OTHERS The grumbler fails to realize that others do not care to listen to their fussing and complaining. Especially is this true if the complaints are about the listener. Solomon said, “There is that speaketh like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health” (Prov. 12:18). How would you like it if someone were griping about you? What if you were receiving instead of giving? Have we forgotten the “golden rule” of doing unto others as we would have them do unto us (Matt. 7:12)? James Dobson wrote, “The right to criticize must be earned, even if the advice is constructive in nature. Before you are entitled to tinker with another person’s self-esteem, you are obligated first to demonstrate your respect for him as a person. When a relationship of confidence has been carefully constructed, you will have earned the right to discuss a potentially threatening topic. Your motives will have been thereby clarified” (What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, as quoted in Reader’s Digest, July 1985, p. 161). We must learn to control our tongue. We do not have to express every dislike we have. Many things can pass without comment. All of our thoughts do not have to be voiced. Let’s learn to think twice or three times before speaking. Try it and you may find out that it is a lot easier to get along with others.
Donnie V. Rader, Manslick Road Speaker, Vol. 25, #14
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