|
THE NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEARCHER VOLUME 4, NUMBER 23, JUNE 6, 2004 JUST THINKING ABOUT THE FAMILY PART 3 This is continued from the May 30 issue of The Northern Kentucky Searcher. On occasion problems will arise in a marriage that have to do with the intimate side of the relationship. If there is no physical cause creating the difficulty, than it seems that most often it is possible to trace the disturbance back to a failure to embrace and abide by Ephesians 5:21, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” In 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, some very basic principles dealing with this side of marriage are set forth. Paul wrote, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her one husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto her husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” There have been instances where the intimate side of marriage has been used as a weapon. What I mean by this is that one or the other will defraud their mate, depriving them of their God-given right, until they get their own way about some matter. Surely we can all see that such behavior is as ungodly as can be and in direct violation of the principle of Ephesians 5:21, and many others. I have had people tell me over the years that they no longer find their mate physically attractive, or appealing. Sometimes the mate, thinking only of himself, has allowed his physical appearance to deteriorate, no longer even trying to make himself attractive for his spouse. Sometimes it is just that the complainer thinks the grass is going to be greener on the other side, and they don’t stop to think that maybe the stretch marks came from the bearing of children or that the little bit of a belly is just nature’s way of saying you are getting older. Instead of thinking of what a joy it is to go through all of those stages of life together, they think only of the physical things that are not what true love is about anyway. So often this kind of complaint and problem has its birth in just plain selfishness and a failure to understand Eph. 5:21. How many marriages of brethren over the years have been torn asunder by adultery? More than I care to think about. When all of the rationalization has been done and all of the excuses have been give, 99.9999999% of the time it boils down to selfishness. How can there possibly be unselfish concern for the desires and the wishes of the spouse and adultery be committed? How can the one guilty of such a thing be considering the feelings and the needs of his/her mate? This is all part and parcel of “submitting one to another.” It is interesting that the Holy Spirit through Paul used marriage to illustrate how that “submitting to one another” is supposed to work. I have known of marriages among brethren destroyed because of moral issues. One or the other decides they want to engage in some activity that is contrary to God’s Word. It might be drinking, or gambling, or pornography, or any one of a number of other things that Christians should stay as far away from as possible. When the one spouse refuses to violate God’s Law to placate the selfish and unholy desires of the other, trouble comes. But who causes the trouble? Is it the one who refuses to sin or the one who demands their own way, even to the extent of trying to lead their spouse into sin with them? These kinds of things are the result of a failure to apply Eph. 5:21. Problems with the discipline of the children sometimes arise. Why is it that some couples refuse to sit down and talk out their differences about how certain parental responsibilities are to be handled? Could it be that one or the other is determined that it will be their way or no way? I understand that the man is the head of the family, yet at the same time I recognize that Eph. 5:21, “Submitting yourselves one to another” also applies to his relationship with his wife; and not just hers to him. The woman was created as a help “meet” for man. That means complimentary and compatible in every way. If her opinion isn’t worthy anything, than neither is man’s. When there is genuine submission, real concern for the desires and the wishes of the spouse, these kinds of problems won’t prove to be problems for very long. Greg Litmer
|