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THE NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEARCHER VOLUME 3, NUMBER 8, (PART 8)
It is inevitable when two people live together in the most intimate
relationship known to man, marriage, that disagreements between them are going
to arise. This is nothing new and it
is not a sign that the marriage is “on the rocks”.
It may even be possible to classify some of these disagreements as
arguments and that is not necessarily a bad thing either.
Paul wrote in Ephesians
But what happens when those disagreements become sharp and contentious?
What happens when the home has become a battleground of sorts and that
perfect, harmonious love-nest that was envisioned when the vows were taken
degenerates into a situation filled with wrath and bitterness, heartache and
pain?
When and if such happens, remember that it did not get that way over
night and it probably will not be fixed over night.
In order for a marriage of Christian to reach that point, one or both of
them has to have left God outside the door.
It wouldn’t get to such a state if God’s will had been followed by
both of them, and in order to fix it, God is going to have to be re-enthroned in
that marriage.
Brethren, I am not an expert on this subject, but there are certain
principles taught in God’s Word, and He is the expert, that
shows us that there are certain things that should be done and certain things
that should not be done to fix a marriage in which there is a lot of fighting
and unhappiness. Let’s look at a
few things that should not be done. One
of the most clearly taught truths in the Word of God is that divorce is
unacceptable behavior as far as God is concerned.
There is only one reason for a divorce that God would approve, and that
is adultery, fornication on the part of one partner in the marriage.
To divorce for any other reason is to sin.
Note this now, divorce for any other reason is a sin.
The divorce itself is a sin. All
of this being true, when fighting erupts in the marriage of two Christians,
there is no excuse for bringing up divorce.
I have been amazed at the loose use of the “threat” of divorce that
has been made over the years by those who are members of the body of Christ.
The world may throw the threat of divorce around quite easily.
They may try to use it as a club to beat a partner over the head with,
figuratively speaking, but a Christian must never, never do that!
To do so is sinful, reprehensible, and cruel. If
fighting does begin to take place in a marriage of Christians, or a Christian to
a non-Christian, it must never, never become physical. I am
reminded of Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:28-29, “So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He
that loveth his wife loveth himself. For
no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as
the Lord the church.” I
don’t know of anyone in their right mind who purposely beats or hurts his or
her body in anger. God tells men to
love their wives as their own bodies and earlier in the same chapter, verse 25,
Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
church, and gave himself for it.” I
just can’t see hitting in anger someone you would die for.
There is simply no way to justify hitting a spouse, whether you be a male
or female. Often
when trouble arises within a marriage of Christians, one or both of the parties
involved will begin to talk to others about the situation.
It is good to seek the advice of those older and wiser (we will discuss
going to the elders when we discuss things that should be done), but it is not
good to go from person to person telling everyone what is going on.
I am personally convinced that some go from person to person, giving
their version of problems in their marriage, until they find someone who will
tell them what they want to hear. Solomon
wrote in Eccl. 5:3, “For a dream cometh through a multitude of business;
and a fool’s voice is known by a multitude of words.” Whenever a marriage is plagued by fighting and unhappiness, the whole point is to make it right – not to win the fights. The focus must be getting the marriage to fit the pattern that God, the Creator of the marriage relationship, designed. Don’t look for people who will make you feel good in your particular side of the fight – look for those who understand that the most important thing is to make the marriage the way it ought to be. Now,
some of the things that should be done. When
you are fighting with your spouse and the family life is disrupted, when home is
not exactly the place you want to be, it may seem that God doesn’t really
care. He does!
Pray! God will help.
John wrote in 1 John 5:14-15, “This is the confidence that we have
in him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us; and if we
know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that
we desired of him.” In James
4:10, we find, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall
lift you up.”
Understand that God answers prayers in the way He sees fit.
He also answers in His own timeframe.
Do not despair if it does not immediately get better or suddenly work
out. But know this, God will give
you the strength to do what is right and bear up under the strain until it does
work out. Remember Paul’s
statement in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9? He
was writing of his “thorn in the flesh”, and he said, “For this
thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is
made perfect in weakness. Most
gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ
may rest upon me.”
It never becomes necessary to do something that is wrong in
God’s sight to deal with a bad marriage situation.
God promises sufficient strength to endure and to do what is right.
If things go wrong in the construction of a building, the builders go
back to the blueprints and make sure that each step has been properly followed.
If things are going wrong in a marriage, go to God’s Word.
Each partner in the marriage must be honest enough to look at God’s
Word, examine themselves in the light of it, and see where they, personally,
need to make changes. See James
1:23-25.
Next week, we will finish with things that we should do, and also
“when brethren do ungodly things in dealing with marriage problems.”
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