THE NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEARCHER
"Search the scriptures: for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. " (John 5:39)

VOLUME 3, NUMBER 1, FEBRUARY 2, 2003

THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

            As we begin a new volume of The Northern Kentucky Searcher, I want to spend the first several issues of it addressing the subject of marriage, particularly the relationship between the husband and wife.  We will be looking at parenthood and the responsibilities that go with it.  We will also deal with the sin of divorce for any reason.  We will study the one exception in which divorce is permitted and we will deal with many of the false ideas that are currently popular among brethren concerning the whole subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage; including the idea the brethren can divorce for any reason as long as they don’t remarry.  We will also consider the idea that a married couple can separate permanently and be O.K. as far as God is concerned as long as they don’t divorce.  I know that God’s Word contains the answer to every question.  Our responsibility is to find the answer and abide by it even if we don’t fully understand the “why”.

PART ONE – IT BEGINS

            In Genesis 1, we read the glorious account of creation.  Verse 31 gives this summary statement, “And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.  And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.”   The one situation that was not “good”, God had taken care of.

            In Genesis 2:18-25, we find, “Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.  And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.  And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.  So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place.  And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.  And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.  For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

            Thus God instituted marriage with the first man and woman, Adam and Eve.  We can immediately see that celibacy, and by that I mean not only abstaining from sexual activity but also remaining unmarried, while acceptable for some (Matt.  19:11 -12), is not an inherently better state.  God ordained marriage and saw that it “was very good”.  The Hebrew writer tells us, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled…”

            The Bible indicates that there are certain things necessary to constitute a marriage.  First of all, there must be the intention to live together as husband and wife.  We can see that in a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife.  The woman must leave her father and mother as well and cleave unto her husband.  This obviously indicates an intention to be married, an agreement between them to be husband and wife.

            A second point that seems clear to me is simply this – since God’s Word tells us that we are to be subject to the law of the land under which we live (Rom. 13:1-6), whatever that law would require for marriage God would also require provided God’s law is not violated.  When we think about the “certificate of divorce” that Moses permitted because of the hardness of the hearts of the Israelites, we can see that a legal act was required to end a marriage.  Jesus at the wedding feast in John 2, and the parable of the ten virgins in Matthew 25, indicate that there was a certain point at which people were recognized as being married.

            While on the subject of what constitutes a marriage, I have, after considerable study, changed my views.  I used to believe that three things were necessary to constitute a marriage – the intention, the legal aspect, and the cohabitation or sexual intercourse.  I no longer believe that the sexual intercourse is necessary to “constitute a marriage”.  I do believe it to be a duty of, and a blessing for, those who are already married.  When in a wedding ceremony the person officiating pronounces them husband and wife, I believe they really are husband and wife at that point and I would pray that that would have been before cohabitation in the sexual sense.  Look at Matthew 1:24-25, “And Joseph arose from his sleep, and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took her as his wife, and kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and called His name Jesus.”  They were married, husband and wife, a good while before the sexual act took place.

            I believe it is important to understand, particularly in light of a lot of false teaching that takes place, that when the requirements are met, that man and woman are married.  It may be a marriage God approves of, in which case both individuals involved had a right to be married to each other: or it may be a marriage that God does not approve of, but it is still marriage.  Some teach that only those marriages that God approves of are really marriages in His eyes.  That is not true!  Romans 7:3 speaks of a woman being “joined to another man”.  It is “to become another man’s” and can properly be translated as “married to another man” while her husband lives.  She is really married even though God obviously would not approve.  God did not approve of Herod’s marriage to his brother Philip’s wife, yet in Mark 6:17, the Holy Spirit saw fit to have Mark use the word married to describe the relationship between Herod and Herodias.

            We will have a great deal more to say in the weeks ahead.

                                                            Greg Litmer