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THE NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEARCHER VOLUME 1, NUMBER 46, DECEMBER 16, 2001 THINKING ABOUT THE FAMILY Over the years there have been many occasions when I have been asked to talk to different married couples who were experiencing problems in their marriages. On many other occasions my input was not sought or wanted, yet I could stand on the sidelines and watch and observe as another family disintegrated. Even those who are Christians are not immune to those kinds of problems. Very few congregations of any size and that have existed for several years have escaped the heartache that comes from watching a beloved married brother and sister decide to go their separate ways in violation of God's Word, or from watching a family that is loved by all degenerate into unhappiness, bitterness, and disharmony. These kinds of things take place rather frequently. Sometimes you can see it happening, other times there is no obvious indication that something is wrong until it is too late to help. What kind of problems seem to come up most often? I would have to agree with most experts (and I do not put myself in their company; I just have the benefit of being able to read what they say) that the Number One problem in marriages is money, particularly among young people. Sometimes problems arise that have to do with the intimate side of marriage. At other times moral issues come up, when one or the other desires to engage in activities that are sinful. There are problems with the children and how they are to be raised. Sometimes couples just don't talk to each other and when they do talk, it is not about things that really matter. There are just a host of different problems that can and do come up. It has been my experience that in each and every situation that has led to an unhappy marriage or even to the dissolving of a family, there has been a failure to abide by Ephesians 5:21, where Paul wrote, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." The word translated as "submitting" (hupotassomenoi) has an interesting etymology. Originally it was military in meaning, describing the coming together of troops for battle under a commanding officer. Each individual soldier was to understand and stay in his proper place in the formation as instructed by his superior. Eventually, it came to mean subordination in any relationship under discussion. If a person was "submitting", he was placing himself under the influence of authority - and that could be a person or position, as far as obedience was concerned. There was the subjection of one's will to that of another. This can be either voluntary or involuntary. If I were captured by an enemy and forced into a life of slavery, there would be submission, but it would not have been entered into voluntarily. But when we talk about the kind of submission required by the gospel of Christ, we are talking about submission entered into by choice. I voluntarily submit myself to Christ. I voluntarily submit myself to the oversight of the elders of the congregation of which I am a member. Indeed, I voluntarily submit myself to my brothers and sisters in Christ. There is another aspect of "hupotassomenoi" (submitting) that needs to be considered. In some instances, and context would make this determination, it goes beyond authority and involves the "motive" behind the submitting. It involves an unselfish concern for the desires and wishes of another, even when that other person has no real authority over you. It is the antithesis of selfishness. Paul, in Ephesians 5:21, was instructing the brethren to voluntarily "submit" to one another. This means to always take the needs and feelings of the others into consideration, even more than our own. He was telling them, and us, to not be selfish, to not always demand our own will and our own way. That kind of attitude was necessary one to another in the body of Christ; can't we see how important it is in the family relationship at home? Paul goes on in Ephesians 5, and shows how this works in the home. In verses 22 - 25, we find, "Wives, submit yourselves unto you own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." In verse 28 we read, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." Whenever there is a failure to "submit" one to another in the home, problems will arise, and this lack of submission is selfishness. Yes, money often creates major problems in a marriage, but how? Several different scenarios related to this have been played out in families over the years. Sometimes there is a wife who is not satisfied with what the husband is able to provide monetarily and she becomes bitter. Sometimes there is a husband who will not work to provide for his family. Sometimes both of them work and live way beyond their means or their needs, hence there is constant pressure to make more money. If one of them gets sick or loses their job, then they are in deep financial trouble. You don't have to look too hard to see that selfishness plays a role in each of those situations. I have been aware of times when, through no fault of their own, families have gotten into money problems. There may have been an accident, sickness, a lay-off, or something else like that. Even as the situation became very difficult it did not create problems between the husband and wife because each one was more concerned about the feelings and the needs of the other. They were submitting one to another. So instead of fussing and fighting, they pulled together to confront their problems and to work them out. I'll have more to say next week. TODAY Outside my window, a new day I see, My own state of mind is the determining key, I can enjoy what I do and make it seem fun, But I have faith in myself and believe what I say, This poem was sent to me by Lauren and I thought it was great. Thanks for
sharing it with us Lauren.
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